Finding Strength Through Faith in the Midst of Loss w/Debbie Baisden

Thank you for letting me be here. J. Rosemarie (00:08.774) Yes, it's my pleasure. Before we start, are we getting our conversation? Could you tell us who is Debbie? Debbie Baisden (00:18.544) Yeah, so I am a crazy mom of four teenage boys. I'm a remarried widow, and I've got two crazy rescue dogs. J. Rosemarie (00:31.094). Ah, well, lots of chaos. Debbie Baisden (00:36.124) Yes, it's very loud in my home. J. Rosemarie (00:38.87)

Yeah. J. Rosemarie (01:43.632) Mm-hmm. Debbie Baisden (01:58.576)

Yeah, the strategy that I took when I, you know, as soon as I sat them all down to tell them this devastation, my goal was always to keep the wound fresh, to let it heal properly. I knew that would leave a scar, but I didn't want it to get where the scar was starting to be infected. And so the way that I handled my own mourning was to make it very public to them. Obviously, if we're grocery shopping, I would have to say maybe this isn't the time and place to fall apart, but especially at home and in the car, I wanted them to see me being real, to see me being raw, to see my weakness. I didn't, my purpose immediately was to not make any of my children the men of the home. I said, this is not some kind of promotion with responsibility. You're not going to be an adult. Debbie Baisden (04:19.656) You're also not going to sleep in my bed. I think a lot of people tend to make that decision. That was not for me. But I said, I'm gonna let you see my pain so that you know it's okay to feel however you feel. If you feel lonely, angry, sad, confused, yeah, me too. And so they would see me break down and say, this is so hard, I'm so sorry. This is, how does this feel for you guys? And they would see me weep and I would say, can you pray for me? J. Rosemarie (04:26.634)

Instead, I just said, it's so sad that daddy's gone. And that's kind of the boundaries I kept it in. J. Rosemarie (05:27.25) Yeah. Oh, okay. All right. I asked that because sometimes we tend to want to hide our kids from pain and we don't let them deal with grief because we're trying to protect them. So yeah, I like that. Thank you. Now, you said your husband passed away unexpectedly. Do you want to share that story with us and what it... Debbie Baisden (05:55.872) Sure, the boys and I. J. Rosemarie (05:55.938)

Debbie Baisden (07:27.016) dispersed a helicopter to do some infrared imaging. So that was kind of running behind. And they basically called everybody out of the woods and said, stop looking. This is serious. This isn't going to be a good thing. We need to call in our rookie team because behind the school is a hundred acres of woods. So they're like, he's gotta be somewhere in these hundred acre woods. So we'll have some professionals kind of map out, grid out the land. and do a more organized professional search. In that time, the sun was barely starting to peak up, so everybody was finally having the gift of sunlight. And Erin's sister said, I'm not gonna wait. I'm gonna go find my brother. And so she went marching into the woods, and within about 90 seconds is when we all heard a piercing scream echo from the woods. And I knew that things were bad, J. Rosemarie (08:08.179) Mm-hmm. Debbie Baisden (08:26.708) but still thought, hey, he broke his leg, everything is fine because this kind of craziness doesn't happen, this is like a movie. And so within a few minutes, a police officer came to me coming out of the woods and said, I'm sorry to tell you, your husband is deceased. And I was obviously blindsided, shocked, numb, this is impossible. And he told me, I knew my husband liked to hunt, he... J. Rosemarie (08:35.347) Right. Debbie Baisden (08:55.892) had been working on his deer stand and he was not strapped in. And so he fell from the tree where his deer stand was that he was working on. So he fell from a very high distance and that was it. That was this defining moment of this most horrible accidental way to end your days here on earth. And J. Rosemarie (09:20.564) Yeah. Debbie Baisden (09:22.24) Just trying to process that, I was in shock, I was in disbelief, I made the wilderness detective take me out into the woods, you know, I wanted to see the tree, I couldn't believe how high he had been, I'll never know the full details of what happened, if something had been slippery, if a branch was weak, I'm not really sure. So it was definitely this unexpected tragedy that invaded our lives. J. Rosemarie (09:32.296)

Yeah, that's a great question. I think I was feeling like I was disintegrating. Everything that had been my tangible security had been taken from me. I think what kept me from fully imploding, especially in those initial months when just walking to the mailbox was very difficult. Every inch of my home was so emotionally painful. I think the only reason I couldn't fall apart fully was two things. It was God who I had been anchored into long before, even though my faith had been pretty, pretty convenient, a kind of a complacent faith. And the second thing was the responsibility of now I'm a single mom. These children are relying on me for the next meal. They will not wait. They do want to go to school. J. Rosemarie (10:59.009) Yeah. J. Rosemarie (11:08.711) Yes. Debbie Baisden (11:13.916) And so I think that was a good force where you still had to be functional, even though you feel like I'm just unraveling, I'm coming unglued, absolutely, but God was like, you can do all things through me. And that became very true. That became a very concrete reality very quickly. So I feel like I was both falling apart and yet being held together. People were very prayerful. J. Rosemarie (11:29.231)

I love it. Debbie Baisden (13:41.812) Wow. You know, I'm thankful. I think what something I've been super spotlighting in my own personal life lately is the reminder that Jesus never leaves and he doesn't forsake. His faithfulness is so consistent knowing I am the worst of sinners. I don't deserve any of this. And in his mercy and grace, J. Rosemarie (13:59.983) Amen. Debbie Baisden (14:11.048) He still calls me his. And so I think that's what I'm most thankful for. Obviously, I'm so appreciative of my family, but I think having this death happen really shifted my priorities to say it has to be God above people. It has to. I want this unwavering relationship with him for that everlasting contentment. J. Rosemarie (14:38.034) Yes, yes, thank you. Wow, all right. So I'm reading your profile and I see something about guilt. What kind of guilt could you have, you know, having gone through this turmoil? Debbie Baisden (14:55.024) I didn't expect guilt. That was something that, you know, I guess I just hadn't had such a deep sorrowful experience before. I felt guilt the first time I smiled, the first time I laughed. It was almost like a self-condemnation of how dare you? How dare you feel any ounce of happiness so quickly after such an impactful loss? I felt like that was wrong. J. Rosemarie (15:14.052)

Yeah. Debbie Baisden (15:53.588) I have reminded Aaron, oh yeah, didn't you say you were going to work on your dear stand while we were gone? And he said, oh yeah, thanks for reminding me. I had forgotten this moment of, wait a minute, what have I done? Did I contribute to this? This whole, like, you know, I can't go back. I can't change that sentence that I said. Would he have remembered, knowing he was very ADHD, would he have remembered?

Ha ha! I love that. That's so true. Debbie Baisden (18:25.356) Yeah, I'm a former school teacher, turned stay-at-home mom. My husband passed away when I was a stay-at-home mom. And within minutes of me telling the boys, I'm sorry, your daddy is dead, my firstborn said, well, what are you gonna do for money? How are we gonna pay for the cell phone? And I had not thought about this. It had not crossed my mind. I'm still trying to process that my husband is in heaven. And so in the weeks and months after, I thought, J. Rosemarie (18:49.111) Hmm. Debbie Baisden (18:54.484)

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