How To Maintain A Growth Mindset Through Adversity w/ Robyn Sears

Robyn Sears Guest 01:07 Yes, thank you so much, Rosemary. I feel very grateful to be here today. Thank you. J. Rosemarie (Jenn) Host 01:12 You're welcome. So before we get into what Robin does, tell us who is Robin Sears.

03:12 But over the course of 17 years my marriage had always been difficult and it just got to the point where we just needed to part ways and after a number of years I can say that we're not friends. We are cordial, right. We can get along for our children with all of the growth that happens when families expand, right? It's important to maintain some of those relationships with boundaries. So I also which I think is an important part of my story is I was a very young mom. I was 17 when I had my oldest son and my husband was 20. So we were two children and having children, so trying to grow up together and start a family and step into adulthood in a way that neither one of us were really prepared for and honestly I think we did the best that we could in the moment. J. Rosemarie (Jenn) Host 04:30 Yes, okay, thank you for sharing that. Yeah, it's not. It's not always successful when we marry young, especially, especially if we weren't finished growing. Yes, yeah, okay, all right. So I see you say you empower single moms to thrive through positive intelligence coaching. What is that? Robyn Sears Guest 04:58

J. Rosemarie (Jenn) Host 11:17 Yeah, I love it, thank you. And it's the lizard brain, and sometimes, when I look back, I see how that lizard brain they say hi inside, it's 2020, but that's how you made all the wrong decisions, because you were in the frame of mind to make decisions. You were too busy listening to the crazy. So, yeah, what's that? Robyn Sears Guest 11:43 The fight, flight, freeze, and now they've had it fall into that, right. So it's this, and it literally stops the thought process. So I like to think that stress, anxiety, fear I don't think that there's anything. I don't think any emotion is negative. What makes it negative is the amount of time that we stay in it, and that's part of what positive intelligence teaches you is to learn how to limit the amount of time that you stay in it. 12:18 Right, it's like putting your hand on the hot stove. That first second, that, oh, that is hot. It's a warning, right? Yes, when I feel anxiety starting to creep in, that is a warning signal. The bells now go off and go Robin, you've got some anxiety going on. What's happening here? And it allows me to check in with myself and to sit back and do a little breathing, feel where I am in the moment. It's like what is the truth here? It's my brain running off into making meaning out of something that there is no meaning. What is the truth for this particular moment? Yes, Because I don't like to have my fingers on a hot stove. It hurts. J. Rosemarie (Jenn) Host 13:07 I don't think anybody does, but then we don't realize that's really what we're doing, right yeah? Robyn Sears Guest 13:13 So you utilize those tough emotions as a warning sign to check in with yourself. J. Rosemarie (Jenn) Host 13:19 Yes, absolutely, thank you. All right, so I'm thinking that somewhere in there you told us what inspired you to work with single mothers, but can you expand on that a little bit and also expand on this topic of mindfulness, especially where it pertains to single moms? Robyn Sears Guest 13:41 Sure. So, like I mentioned before, I was a single mom for a number of years. My situation I needed to start working so that I could support my children. That was terrifying. I had worked at home, doing all the things volunteering, taking care of the kids in the house and the eight million things that you have to juggle there to step into the workforce and to add that to my plate. 14:16

I'll never forget this moment. I made a mistake and I was sitting at my desk and in my boss and I told him and my boss came over and we were kind of talking in a very like educational matter of fact, like it's no big deal. Hey, and that's kind of, let's do this instead. And you know it's nobody, it's fixed. You know it's like it's no big deal. And he was so incredibly kind to me in that moment and I'd only been there for a couple of months that when he walked away, I slumped down in my chair and I hid behind my computer monitor and I cried Because his kindness hit a spot that needed healing. Yeah, so that really was a pivotal moment for me to realize that I actually deserve kindness. J. Rosemarie (Jenn) Host 17:51 It makes a big difference, doesn't it, when you have a nurturing environment that you work in as a solo mom, because you know you're already beating down yourself and you know you may have people around you beating you down, but when you're at work you know you spend a lot of time there, and if there are people there beating you down too, I mean what's left like? Robyn Sears Guest 18:12 so yeah, exactly, and so that's kind of set this process in motion where I really started to peel the onion and figure out who I am, what I love, what kind of human do I want to be and how do I want to serve. And years later, I've taken quite a number of certifications. I've had an executive coaching diploma from Emory and done some work with the empowerment dynamic and positive and you know my mindfulness certification and that's where I felt like I was being led is this place where I needed to understand how to interact Right. Life is always going to be hard and challenging. It is the way we choose to interact with it, and we have that's the only choice we have. We don't have a choice to handle the other person and to control their, the way they're responding to you. You know, the only choice I have is to control myself and to control my emotional responses, and I knew that I needed to have a handle on this and to create some practices in my life and to implement healthy things that would take me to a place of of peace, even in the midst of chaos, and so part of that is my part of that understanding is my desire to give this back to single mothers who are juggling work and all of the eight million things at home and children and the the fear of the world is sitting on their shoulders and it breaks my heart because I remember sitting in that seat and thinking this is hard and being incredibly worried about my children and some of the choices that they were making as teenagers. And you know, it's like you guys are giving me great hair and wrinkles is as hard. But all of this just really, I think, put me into a place where I wanted to figure out how I could serve this community of women, who are incredible human beings, in a way that might help them alleviate some stress, some of the one of the. 20:53 When I was in my mindfulness certification. One of the interesting studies that they were discussing is there was a study with two teachers in two different classrooms and both of the teachers practiced mindfulness daily. One of the teachers implemented small bits of mindfulness into the classroom with their children. The other one did not. Then they studied the classrooms and studied the children, and what came out of that study I thought was really interesting is that there was almost no difference in the way that the children behaved, whether or not they were actively practicing any mindfulness. 21:31 It was coming from the teacher and the teacher's presence in the classroom and I thought isn't that interesting that as a parent and now grandparent, my mindfulness might actually rub off on them a little bit and maybe kind of tone down a situation in just the way I engage with it. Maybe, you know, when I was a young mom my top of my head would flow eye off and the steam would pour out of my ears and you know I would lose my cool. But you know, I think age and wisdom and learning how to kind of just recognize that you know these are little tiny humans learning how to interact with the world and losing your cool doesn't actually help. So I just I think that single, solo moms, I mean as a population, carries so much and I just would love to serve them in this way.

Yeah, I have a deep appreciation for the non-profits who are serving this community, and part of what I wanted to do on my I have a podcast also but what I wanted to do is really to highlight the work that they're doing, to drive awareness to the programs that they have, not only for other solo moms out there who may need their services, but also to maybe some donors, somebody who hadn't heard of that. It's like, oh, I really think what they're doing is amazing and I want to be supportive of this. Okay, so it's really more about building relationships and bringing awareness to other, because I think when we, when we highlight other people and we give to them and share our audiences with them, it's an opportunity for the goodness to grow. And the other thing that was important to me in the process was you know, you turn on the news, you turn on the radio and the world is, you know, blowing up and everything is negative and their you know humanity is no longer, you know, kind and we're all out for ourselves. 24:04

J. Rosemarie (Jenn) Host 25:35 All right, thank you. You mentioned you had a podcast. Talk about the podcast. Tell us about your work specifically, like how you serve single mothers, and then tell us how we can get in touch with you. Robyn Sears Guest 25:49 Yeah, thank you. My podcast is called Above and Not Beneath, and in my podcast I'm interviewing these solo moms who have overcome a tremendous amount in their lives and they are on this path to self-sustainability and to success, whatever that looks like for them. In some cases, these women finally have a home of their own, or their very first apartment or their very first car, or maybe they're in, you know, in recovery and it's been a while, or they lost their children and they got their children back. But they're on this beautiful path, and so I'm interviewing them to share their stories, so that they have an opportunity to spread encouragement to other women and men because men certainly go through this also but to spread encouragement to other individuals so that, you know, maybe they're having a bad day and they're like, oh my gosh, that story was so powerful. You know, I see myself there. She did it Like I can do it too. Right, I can do it too. And then also I've interviewed some other individuals that just are just doing some unique things in the world to help people overcome fear and to learn how to start businesses, because a lot of the moms I'm working with are working for someone else isn't actually working for them and they're doing so, okay. Well, I'll interview some individuals who are experts on helping entrepreneurs and here are some steps that you need to take if you really want to do this. 27:35 And then also working like highlighting these nonprofits. So, you know, if somebody is in actually just interviewed a really interesting woman who has a neat nonprofit in Florida that's providing safe housing for women, and you know she has some really practical ways, you know there's like a, you know a Walmart shopping list. You know she provides the basic necessities in the home. You know paper towels and all that stuff, and it's an easy way to partner with them. You know, yeah, I can give you 10 bucks a month for paper towels, sure, and to serve a mom who is, you know, is maybe even living in her car. 28:16 So my, that is my podcast. My podcast is about bringing hope and encouragement to other people. And then also the ways that I work with women is to do group coaching, like I mentioned before, small groups, and then it's a. It's a six-week period and we have a once a week group coaching session together and there's other materials and homework, but it's not arduous or really hard or anything like that. A lot of it is learning how to practice the positive intelligence and to get in touch with your stress and to learn how to just let it go, and then after that, there's an opportunity for additional community after that, and so you can find me on my website. It's above, not beneathorg. J. Rosemarie (Jenn) Host 29:06Okay, all right, thank you, and are you on Instagram? Robyn SearsGuest29:10

Oh, what am I grateful. I am grateful for this moment right here. J. Rosemarie (Jenn) Host 29:39 Thank you. Robyn Sears Guest 29:41 I am grateful, Rosemarie, for the invitation to share with your audience. Yeah, the list is long. Today I got to spend a couple of days dog-setting for my son and my husband. We don't have a pet right now, so that filled a cup that I didn't realize was empty and I had just a fantastic time with this dog. He's 100 pounds of lap dog, so I'm grateful for that moment that I just a little bit of time I got to hang out with a sweet pup, and I'm grateful for my family and the opportunity to serve single mothers in a way that hopefully brings them a little piece on their day. J. Rosemarie (Jenn) Host 30:29 All right, thank you. I appreciate you coming and talking to us today to sharing your wisdom and expertise on Solomoms talk and before I let you go, I'd like you to give a Solomom one piece of advice. Robyn Sears Guest 30:44 Yes, one piece of advice. If I could give myself that piece of advice, you know, 15 years ago, it would be to believe in yourself because you are fully and completely equipped. You might not feel it, but the truth of the matter is that you are equipped to do the job that you have in raising your children and juggling the 9 million things, and you can do this. And it is completely fine and totally okay to drop the occasional ball right that we always do, but to believe in yourself and to give yourself a little grace. J. Rosemarie (Jenn) Host 31:39