Small Steps Big Impact Finding Fulfillment as a Busy Parent w/Debbie Weiss

Boy, that's a loaded question. So I have been a family caregiver to three different family members for over 40 years. And around the age of 50, I kind of had a wake-up call and realized I needed to take care of myself too. And I've been on a journey for about 12 years now. J. Rosemarie Francis (00:42.638) Ah, okay. All right. So, you were taking care of someone and then decide, well, maybe I need to take care. Isn't that something we neglect to notice? I'm gonna say notice. As women, especially if we're moms, that everybody is a priority except us. Debbie Weiss (01:11.755) Exactly.

It did. And I don't think that I realized just how aha it was in the moment. I, my dad, when I was 17, had a massive stroke. He was only 45, but he survived, became permanently disabled. My parents were divorced and so he was my responsibility. And in the beginning, you know, I was thrilled to be able to help him. And, and of course I always wanted to help him and I'm not saying that that's not the case. But over time, you know, then when I did have my kids and I also have a business and you know, my husband and all of the people, you know, I just was always stressed. I was always, you know, if you said hello to me in a funny way, I would explode and it made no sense because it was just building up from not, not taking any time for myself. J. Rosemarie Francis (01:51.15) That's right. J. Rosemarie Francis (02:11.608) Debbie Weiss (02:18.753) Right. Feeling that it was selfish and I didn't have time because I had to take care of my father and my kids and, and my business and all the things. And when I turned 50, my friends insisted that we go away for a weekend. And I thought, how am I going to leave my family? And my dad had actually passed away about a year earlier. And, but I went and on that weekend. J. Rosemarie Francis (02:19.235) Yeah. J. Rosemarie Francis (02:25.006) Everybody. Yeah. J. Rosemarie Francis (02:38.702) Nothing.

J. Rosemarie Francis (02:52.941) Hmm. J. Rosemarie Francis (03:06.422)

J. Rosemarie Francis (03:53.838) Hmm. J. Rosemarie Francis (04:02.432)

J. Rosemarie Francis (04:19.51) Right. J. Rosemarie Francis (04:25.961)

J. Rosemarie Francis (06:18.282) Okay. J. Rosemarie Francis (06:32.044)

J. Rosemarie Francis (08:52.749) Hmm. J. Rosemarie Francis (08:59.242)

did go and we had the testing, it turned out that even though, yeah, there was a little issue with my husband's sperm, that was not the main problem. It was that my eggs were prematurely aged. So let's say I was 35, but I had the quality eggs of, you know, I don't remember, let's just say a 45 year old. And because of that, and again, this was J. Rosemarie Francis (09:44.589)

J. Rosemarie Francis (10:28.661) Okay. Debbie Weiss (10:56.127)

That embryo's name is Ben. Yeah. He is definitely, definitely a miracle. Yes.

Yeah, exactly. Debbie Weiss (13:29.507) Okay. Debbie Weiss (13:35.767)

Sure. So I have written two books. As you said, the first is on second thought. Maybe I can. It's my memoir. I actually wrote it, not wanting to do it this way, but wrote it as my husband was dying. And so it was, therapeutic in a way to have something else to focus on. had received a terminal blood cancer diagnosis and died six months later. J. Rosemarie Francis (14:16.301)

Mm-hmm. J. Rosemarie Francis (14:42.123) Mm-hmm. Debbie Weiss (14:44.439) had a desire to write anything, didn't know if I could, but took the leap of faith and the therapist said, I think this is actually a good time for you to do it because you'll need something of your own during this difficult period. And she was right. So it is just a memoir, meaning it's, you know, there's no advice. It's just some of my life and the story and the transformation and J. Rosemarie Francis (14:54.263) Mm-hmm. J. Rosemarie Francis (14:59.284) Yes. J. Rosemarie Francis (15:10.177) Mm-hmm.

Debbie Weiss (15:41.955) curiosity, those kinds of things. And then there's an accompanying workbook. So actually I sell my books and I also am a professional speaker. J. Rosemarie Francis (15:42.475)Yes. J. Rosemarie Francis (15:55.258) Okay, awesome. Thank you. if you could, well, later I'll collect some links from you so we could put them in the show notes so we could go visit your, where you're speaking. Yeah. Okay. Debbie Weiss (16:09.411) Why, thank you. Yeah, my website is DebbieRWeiss.com.

Yeah, haven't we all? J. Rosemarie Francis (16:36.843)

Tell a solo mom, right, who feel like they're constantly starting over, just always going through it. What mindset shift helped you rebuild?

Mm-hmm. Debbie Weiss (17:16.823) Compared to mine, mine just seemed like boom, one thing after another kept hitting me. And so even though I was happy on the outside, you know, it wasn't like I'm a, I was ever a negative person, but inside I did feel put upon and why, why me? You know, my oldest son, when he was two was diagnosed on the autism spectrum and then he added other diagnoses. that, you know, was, was and continues to be,

J. Rosemarie Francis (17:56.801) Mm-hmm. Debbie Weiss (18:16.737)

J. Rosemarie Francis (18:39.913) Right. J. Rosemarie Francis (18:45.687)

Yes. Yes. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. Thank you. It does take that shifting mindset though. And that's the crux of the matter, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. So you talk about in the sprinkly effect, adding joy back into your life.

through small steps. And of course, the mindset shift is probably the starting point of that. For solo moms juggling many responsibility, what are a few simple sprinkles they can add to make life feel lighter and more fulfilled?

Yeah. J. Rosemarie Francis (21:00.437) Yeah Debbie Weiss (21:02.307)

J. Rosemarie Francis (21:48.748) Bye. You noticed. Debbie Weiss (21:56.996)

Yes. Debbie Weiss (22:25.891) you know, last thing and just thinking about three things that you're grateful for. For me, just writing it down is just a little more, I don't know, having something that reminds me to do it, you know, putting the gratitude journal or the notebook, you don't need a gratitude journal on your table or wherever you are. For me, I like it first thing in the morning to remind me to do it. And, you know, you start to realize that there is joy. J. Rosemarie Francis (22:27.223) Mm-hmm. J. Rosemarie Francis (22:36.876) Yes. J. Rosemarie Francis (22:43.934) Mmm. J. Rosemarie Francis (22:47.477) Yeah. Debbie Weiss (22:52.129) built into your day, even if it's busy, even if a lot of crummy things are going on in your life. And, you know, a lot of times it just takes, unfortunately, just last Friday had a 60 year old friend pass away and, you know, it, it makes you realize, huh, what the heck am I complaining about? You know, J. Rosemarie Francis (23:08.959)

Debbie Weiss (23:59.588) It's little, but when I don't have it, I can't stand it. And when I get it, just that little sip every single day, I'm like, ah, it makes me so happy. So, you know, start to make a list of those little things. Start to think about what did you do as a kid that you enjoyed and how can you make that happen now as an adult? It takes, it takes effort. You know, you, it does take effort. Nothing's going to happen. J. Rosemarie Francis (24:01.205)

J. Rosemarie Francis (24:50.385) Yes. Debbie Weiss (24:51.607)

Amen. Yes. thank you. Yeah, yes, I'm sure. And I'm grateful for this opportunity and that podcasting gives us to connect with people we probably would never normally cross paths with. So, yes, I am grateful for this too. Thank you, Debbie Wise, for coming and talking to us on Solo Moms Talk. We really appreciate you. Any parting shots? Debbie Weiss (25:01.643)

I will leave you with my favorite quote, which is from Glinda the Good Witch and the Wizard of Oz, who said, you've always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself. And I always thought whenever I heard that, that just meant Dorothy, click your heels and say, there's no place like home. You could have gotten there in the beginning of the movie, but it means so much more. And, and I think we have to realize J. Rosemarie Francis (25:42.989) aww J. Rosemarie Francis (25:53.303) Yeah. Debbie Weiss (25:58.295) We all have the power within us. We just have to realize that we do and learn how to use it. J. Rosemarie Francis (26:04.747) Yes, amen. Thank you. Debbie Weiss (26:07.575) Thank you.