Tips For Preparing for Your Next Relationship with/J. Rosemarie Francis

Are You Ready For a Relationship

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Seven years was my top. And I wondered what was wrong with me. I wondered about what I did, why nobody wanted me. But then I got the message that when I did the in the self reflection that there wasn't anything wrong with me necessarily. But I needed to approach relationships with a man. In a different perspective, and there were things I needed to learn about myself before I could even contemplate being in a relationship.

Unless you chose to get pregnant without the benefit of a Contract then there's a reason the marriage didn't work out or the guy left you or you had to leave the guy There's a reason and so I came to the conclusion that the reason was that I was not ready for a relationship, for a serious relationship, for marriage.

We spend so much energy as women and single women yearning for a good relationship because we want to find our better half or our other half. And that is such stinking thinking because We need to be whole, you know, scripture says that when a man marries a woman, the two becomes one. It didn't say half becomes whole, it says one plus one equal two.

You also need to spot those, those chameleons, you know, those wolves in sheep clothing that are out hunting for vulnerable single moms who quote unquote need them, you know, and they can smell desperation a mile off. Trust me. I know. Okay. So I want, I'm so emphatic about this because I have lived it. I have lived through a time when I was struggling so hard, and [00:05:00] I thought when I prayed and I saw this man, I thought he was the answer to my prayer because I was so desperate for the answer to, for a father, for my child.

But we have to be more focused and create more meaningful relationships first with ourselves. Right? We need to create that meaningful, strong, healthy relationship with who we are. Because if you tell yourself you're ugly, fat, no good, and then a man come in your life and tell you the same thing, then you'll believe it, right?

And I want to stop and add right here. We, as moms, as head of our household, need to start to find ways to break generational curses in our family tree. And one major one. Is raising our children alone. So we want to show our children. One, how a man should treat a woman. And two, what a woman should or shouldn't be willing.

So don't do that to someone else. Get yourself ready, strong and resilient. And. Get to love who you are as a person. And my number one way to start to move into that is to seek healing. Get healed. You know, recently I discovered that [00:08:00] Well, I didn't discover it. I never knew who my father was throughout my life.

And there was a time when I thought I knew of the person, but, um, I didn't, you know, he wasn't an active part of my life. So I started in relationship with, with men. I wanted to marry and get taken care of because, well, you know, father was absent. So, you know, that was, that was the life I wanted to live because.

There was no dad, and I discovered recently that Even now, I don't know who my father is and I'm okay with that because I've, I've made peace with the fact that even though part of my identity is missing, I will not leave myself vulnerable to someone else's abuse just because they think there's no one around to protect me.

So I ask you, if you feel that you're damaged or broken or, you know, you feel that there's some things in your life, in your past, you were abused, abandoned, mistreated, whether in church, whether by your parents, whether an ex, or just family members, Talk about it with a [00:10:00] professional. Talk about it with somebody who doesn't have an agenda towards you.

Just talking about it will help, alright? The second, um, thing that I think that people who One strong healthy relationships need to do is to forgive. You have to forgive yourself, that's number one. Because some of us solo moms, we live with a lot of guilt. Guilt over the broken relationship, guilt over screwing up our children because that's our perception.

Just forgive yourself. God has already forgiven you, okay? And then, learn to forgive others. Forgiveness is not a gift for the person who abused you. You are not doing them any favors by forgiving them. You are helping yourself. You are bringing yourself to wholeness because you're now the bigger person. I often tell my sons.

Don't let people take up space in your head. Don't let them tie up your mind. Forgive others because in forgiving them, you give yourself a gift that no one else can give you. And my third and final point is that you recognize that You're not half or nothing looking for a better half. You are 100 percent whole, and if you seek healing and forgive yourself on others, you be 100 percent whole or close enough.

That's possible. But my suggestion would be to find ways to empower yourself, to recognize the red flags, right? To heal yourself, to forgive yourself and others. You know, one of the things I learned from studying um, Tony Robbins material. I've been a student of Tony Robbins for, for about 30 years. And you can say what you want about him, but what he says and what he teaches will get you further than you are right [00:14:00] now.

And one of the exercises I did that he suggested when after my third divorce was That if you're seeking someone, if, if you're, if your desire is to seek a mate, a lifetime partner, husband, that you make a list of what it is you are looking for in that person. What do you want in that rela in a relationship with that person?

How Conscious Communication Builds Better Relationships. Because you have to be able to communicate. What you want and what the person wants, right? And understand what the person wants and their needs and desires, right? Also, how to spot a chameleon before they hijack your life. That's an episode with Dr.

And the other column will, will list your characteristics, but we'll also take note of any characteristics that you're looking for in a man that you don't have. And my suggestion on what I did was to work on the things that even though I wasn't necessarily looking for a relationship. I still did the exercise because it helped me see myself, right?

Roberta Shaler called Hijackals. So hijackals are people who hijack relationships for their own interests and purpose and then relentlessly scavenge it for power or status. And when the right one comes, you will also be able to recognize them for who they are. Right? Not be suspicious because they're nice or doubt them because, you know, they say nice things to you because you believe those things about yourself without his say so.

If you're interested in one and even if you're not, what can I What kind of advice can you give to another solo mom? And do you think a single mom should even consider, contemplate a relationship? Let me know what you think.